You can’t always get what you want for Christmas. How many of these gifts have you received in Christmases gone by?

>>> No-risk Christmas gift ideas for mountain bikers

1. Anything road cycling

This more than anything is the bane of any mountain biker when it comes to gifts. Some relatives will never understand or appreciate that not all bicycles are the same and that not all cycling is the same. Please no more books or framed pictures that contain road cycling. You may as well get us something about curling.

2. Retro puncture repair kit

Aside from the fact that we don’t really use puncture repair kits so much any more, thanks to tubeless, these retro puncture repair kit tins are typically very low quality (yes, despite being purchased from Marks and Spencer). Thick rubber patches that peel up at the edges and come off, tyre levers that either bend or rip into tyres/rims/tubes etc etc. Bonus points if there’s a multi-tool in there that only does imperial sized nuts and cotterless cranks.

3. Unnecessary accessory

Something actually intended to be attached to your pride and joy. Maybe a bell, possibly a mudguard, potentially this amazing saddle cover, perhaps a light… You never know your luck.

4. Bike-themed landfill

Useless trinkets and gadgets that just happen to be shaped like a bicycle (no doubt a road bicycle). Perhaps best exemplified by the bike shaped USB pen drive. Bonus points if it doubles as a keyring.

5. Cufflinks

Remember the last time you wore cufflinks? No, us neither. We do our utmost to avoid wearing ties let alone weird shirts with double cuff things.

6. Not-quite-right clothing

That T-shirt really is quite something hey?